Chasing Fairytales: When Your Dreams and Reality Collide.
It was the day she had been dreaming of: the wedding that encompassed everything she had ever wanted and more! The designer gown, the flowers, the band, the food, the cake: all of it was prefect. Friends and loved ones sang the praises of the beautiful couple and as the bride looked at her prince charming at her side, she thought to herself,
“This is my perfect fairytale!”
This is the story of my life every weekend! This is my job, to help brides create their fairytale weddings and I love being a part of such a monumental moment in peoples lives. But after having a marriage that failed, I see a little bit of myself in every couple I meet with and I breathe a little heavier. I often get asked what I wish every bride knew and it is this:
Your wedding should be the fairytale you have dreamed of, but the next morning, real life will show up and you need to prepare for that!
Because I was the same way; so full of hope for the future and excitement that the life that I had been envisioning for years was finally going to become a reality. Or was it?
The dream of a fairytale ending begins at a young age. This picture of my daughter is proof.
Here she is, the perfect dress with the perfect hair, standing there, listening to the music on the opening menu for the movie Brave, ready for her fairytale to begin. She IS Merida, after all. I mean the girl even had the bow and arrow to prove it!
This three year old did this with every movie! We have every princess dress, crown, and accessory out there and there genuinely was a point when I thought to myself,
“Cinderella has eaten my daughter!”
Sure, I want her to dream big, but I want her to grasp reality at the same time. She needs to know that aside from becoming a royal daughter of the King of Heaven, she is never going to be an actual princess in an enchanted castle!
Reality is huge. Reality is a must.
I remember the moments after my own wedding when reality hit me like a freight train.
I had expectations, and boy were they not met!
We all are guilty of this. Whether it be the idea of what your dream job was supposed to be like, the person you expect your spouse to be, the reactions you hope to see in your children, the idea of a perfect friend, or the life you had dreamt up for yourself - we all step into life with expectations. Many times what we expect others to achieve isn’t attainable.
Your spouse will never be able to stay on that pedestal you had placed him or her on.
Your co-workers will eventually let you down.
Your kids will show that they are sinners just like the rest of us.
Your friends may betray you.
And you too, will feel the backlash when you fall off a pedestal, can’t fulfill a need, aren’t the perfect parent, or hurt a friend you cared about deeply.
We all fail.
We forget that life is tough and instead, prefer to daydream about a fairytale life and we chase after it.
It’s like running through a field trying to catch a unicorn; a mythical creature that is impossible to grasp no matter how hard you try. But at some point, you have to stop chasing it and see it for what it truly is…
a myth.
a daydream.
an alternate reality.
The hardest part of that moment… you have to be willing to let that fairytale go. To stop chasing the mythical creature. To face your true reality.
I get what you are thinking: for a wedding planner you sound pretty anti-wedding. Not true! I am very PRO-wedding! I'm also PRO-preparation, hard work, and realistic expectations. Don't chase after something that is unrealistic.
Instead, chase after this:
Chase the plan God has for you.
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Believe it or not, God knows what is best for you. Right now, God knows it is best that I stay single until He says otherwise.
I'll be real: I don’t like this plan...
but I can either trust in Him or I can trust in myself. I can tell you, trusting in myself has never ended well before and it’s not going to start ending better now! But I also know that God has plans for my life that are bigger than I can see right now and you need to believe that He has the same for you.
Chase Holiness.
This is not an easy one because stepping into holiness means stepping out of the world. It means stripping off things that are drawing you away from Christ. I both succeed and fail in this every single day. But if you want to move forward, you have to let go of the weight that you keep lugging behind you.
Truth: If it’s not pointing you to Christ, it’s leading you to Satan. You may not see it now, but that’s just because you’re taking the scenic route!
Chasing holiness will bring the absolute best for your life! Chasing after anything else is settling!
Chase after clarity!
I feel like I never know what is coming next. When I think I have something figured out, I get thrown a curve ball and I find myself going “Wait, what??” The reason for that: I look for specific answers, not for clarity and there is a huge difference.
This is a hard truth to come to grips with: You are never going to get the perfect answer. If you wait for your dream job in the dream city with the dream spouse, your life will never start. Disclaimer: Do NOT settle on your spouse!!!! Ever!!! I'm saying if you wait for all of your life circumstances to line up in a pretty little row, you will be waiting forever. You have to trust that God is going to give you clarity for how you need to act right now. Praying for clarity in your current moment in life will bring you far more peace than praying for answers about your past or your future . If you feel like you have and that clarity isn't coming, stay strong and give it time. God will be faithful. Let your faith and trust in Him grow!
If you don’t trust the Lord to unveil His plan for you as you go, you are putting God in a box so you can chase a unicorn instead.
… and we all know how real unicorns are!
Stop chasing a fairytale. Chase after truth!