Letting God Refine You: The Ugly Truth About Having Your Hand in the Flames

The wilderness is a lonely place. It’s where you deal with your emotions that have been left in the wake of whatever situation has wrecked your life. This is the place where you begin to realize that God is where you have to go to find your strength. He is the refuge where you will find your shelter. He is the one who will provide what you need when you need it. 

As you begin to see God for who He really is, you then begin to see that path that is leading you out of your wilderness. When you begin to understand that there was a purpose behind your pain and you catch a glimpse of what He intends for you to do with it, that is a glorious moment! Until you hit that next stage that is; the one that will prepare you for your calling. The one that will strip away what you are holding onto. That place where you are refined.

Fire. That is what comes next.

The wilderness was hard. The Refiners fire is worse. The wilderness brings a transformation of the heart. This is where I found myself after my divorce. The Refiners fire is what burns away all of the excess and it goes straight to your nerves, exposing them to the air. 

Recently, the excess of my life has been burning away, and it hurts.

The fire is worse by a long shot. 

I have had so many people tell me, “the first year of divorce is so tough, but by this time next year, you will be a completely different person and life will be so much better.” Half of that statement is true. I would argue to say that the second year of divorce has actually been far more challenging.  

The last few weeks have been the toughest and not because I feel lost. So why is this season so hard?

It is the hardest because this season, this time of refining, isn’t about anyone but me. I can’t blame anyone for any of it. This is the time where God and I are on the same page of what I need to do with my life, and like a true Refiner, He is “holding my hand to the flame,” if you will. 

I know that sounds cruel and graphic, but in all honestly, it’s the kindest thing He could ever do. 

The Refiners fire is where I have to own up to who I am and that's where it gets ugly. There's no hiding. I have to strip off the things that will hold me back from experiencing what all God has for my life. But here is the kicker, I can choose to step out of the fire.

I can choose to walk away from what God is wanting me to do.

I can choose to keep life going in a way that feels safe and comfortable, knowing that He still loves me and cares for me in a way that no one else could. 

I can choose to still live with both feet walking in truth, just moving at a pace that is comfortable. And If I chose to do all of that, He would love me anyway because I am still a child of God. I heard a sermon this morning and the pastor hit the nail on the head and described this perfectly. Basically as Christians, we are on the same team. The difference is whether you want to be a player on the bench or one actively moving on the field. Same jersey, different roles. 

I could choose to let my season in the wilderness be the transformation stage in my life story. And I can share that story safely from the bench.

But should I?

I learned so much in the wilderness. That is the place where the Lord brought me to Himself and where I learned what it means to be comforted by the Father. But the refiners fire is when I have to choose whether or not I’m going to become the person God truly wants me to be. I do wonder if all of this pain is worth it, because having my nerves exposed has not been pretty, just ask anyone who has been around at the time! 

As much as I would love to find a comfortable place in life and coast, I know that is not the choice I should make. That would put God and I in different chapters of the same book again. 

So I have to choose to stay in the fire, and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I love this idea. I had someone ask me years ago, “Does faith come easily for you? I mean, it’s your name!” and I could honestly answer, “yes.” As I walked through the stages of grief over the death of my marriage, saying yes to that questions was still my instant reaction. Being in a fire, however, has been the first time that I have been able to truly admit that I had to question what in the world God was doing. This is the time when I have had to sit back and truly question whether or not I had faith that God was working out His perfect plan for me. 

My own mother told me last week, “every time I pray about your situation I just get such a peace that God is in control.” I literally said to her, “well that’s great, but can you tell Him to give that peace to ME!? Because I’m not feelin’ it!”

I have to have faith that the fire, though painful, is where I need to stay. I also have to be willing to let the fire strip away my imperfections. Holding on to them will only make this time in the fire longer and more painful. Once again, I have to start letting go. 

I’m going to choose the fire. I’m going to choose refinement. 

So if you feel like life is harder than it should be, or if things just don’t make sense, stay faithful. Know that the refiner is allowing it to make you pure and though it is painful, you could have no greater calling. 

Choose the fire.